I Hate Things #2
I get it all out here so I can hug everyone in the streets.
Aero bars. Like 1 in 10 people using aero bars has them set up properly, and the next time I see someone riding IN TOWN, with their aero bars pointing way up, I’m going to assume they’re in the middle of an Ironman, and throw water on them. Actually, I think I mostly just hate triathletes. Stick to one sport, and stop pissing on your bikes.
Lots more hate after the jump.
I hate the University of British Columbia for sending me letters demanding my tuition, while ignoring the calls they were getting from Student Aid BC, who wanted to confirm my enrollment so they could give me a student loan.
650B wheels. The last thing cycling needs is another standard. And, frankly, there are about 29030939039032 other things that could be improved about bikes before we start getting finicky about god damn wheel diameter. Seriously, the difference in diameter between 650b and 26″ is 25mm, and for all the hassle and stupidity they create, they’re just not worth it. It’s just more assholes trying to convince stupid people that buying something new and fancy will make cycling everything they ever wished it was.
EDIT: 650b is ALSO only 13mm bigger than the much more standard 650c. Retards.
The bitch it the coffee shop that pulls both breasts out to breastfeed. That’s just distracting.
Rocky Mountain Flatline. Overmanipulated crap, that downtube looks like someone’s boss’s bad idea that they had to implement because the boss thought it was SO COOL!
Neil Peart. Too many fucking drums. If you need more than Gene Krupa to kick ass, you should take up another sport.
Brad Ewen. I would think this guy sucked if I met him on the street, but then someone had to go and give him a job where he gets to talk into a mic all the time. It’s awful.
Lugs. If your bike is newer than 1986, your lugs suck. They’re heavy, pointless, and have become the stamp of nostalgiaphile frame makers everywhere. I just don’t get it, why not put all that extra money into important things?
This bike. It’s a commuter with aero bars (?????), AND an adjustable stem. I really hate adjustable stems. Sure this bike has an Alfine drivetrain, which is cool, it also has a really stupid rack that can’t possibly be very strong. The only thing that could make this worse would be if it had lugs and were 650b. Can someone find me a lugged frame 650b bike (that should be easy) with aero bars and an adjustable stem?
Lugs are cool because I could realistically build a lugged frame in my basement. Also because I can braze alright, and lugs are good for brazing, but I’m not sure if I can TIG weld and learning how sounds like a lot of hassle. Them still being an in thing means that they will still be readily available off the shelf when I get off my ass and decide to build a frame in my basement. So fuck you for wanting to make me learn how to weld.
That Breezer doesn’t have aero bars, it is even better. BAR ENDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BARS (bar middles?). CYCLING HAS LEARNED HOW TO PUT MORE BAR ENDS ON A BIKE. NOW WITH 100% MORE BAR ENDS.
That rack is probably better than the seatpost-only ones. Speccing that on a bike stock is so awesome, though.
I still think that RM is something some kid made in photoshop.
Also I don’t know who Brad Ewen is, but that rainsuit is pretty gnarly.
If your next post includes the $6500 crankset that SRAM makes, I’ll stab you.
If you built a lugged frame in your basement, that’d be cool. 99.90% of lugged bikes in the world are not made in people’s basements. I’m just really tired of people being like “omg look at how nice those lugs are!!!” on some stock taiwan bike (yes, you David Lang).
The Breezer actually ADVERTISED those bars as “aero bars” at Interbike last year. They really are to get yourself into a more aerodynamic position….
And mounting a rack to the brake mounts when a bike could have perfectly good braze-ons is just awful.
Brad Ewen is the mtb announcer (mostly for Redbull) who makes everything sound like the WWF, and doesn’t know what 1/4 of the stuff people were doing at Crankworks (any year) when he was announcing.
Dude, fuck that. All bikes should come stock with things that are designed to be aftermarket add-ons to bikes that don’t have the proper fittings. Full suspension frames should be banned, and downhill bikes should just come with SHOCKSTERS.
I was at crankworks a couple of years ago and swore i would hunt the announcer down and stab him in his face! I now know what he looks like and will be putting my plan into action.